Very Sad Nightmare, blog to destress!!!

Today when I was having a short nap, I had a very bad nightmare. I was dreaming that I was in a car, and my parents were outside talking to other people. I heard my father cry sadly and said to another guy outside the car that I have cancer and I have only 2 years to live. The cancer is due to an implant that is put into the back of my brain, and the implant can only last for 2 years before my end is coming. I was very sad and keep punching my parents in the car. I also remember that there were policemen in my nightmare, they were looking for someone but I dunno who they were looking for. I was also reading some sms in my car, can't remember the details though.

I woke up with some tears flowing down my face after the nightmare. Now I can better understand the real pain that those people with those diseases that shorten their lives significantly can go through, and the sadness that they go through. I still remember the uncle that was staying in the bed beside me in the ward. He was bald and he must be having cancer I suppose, but it is not known to patients that are around him and is known only to him and his family because this is rather a very private matter to his family. There are some things that I have observed about the uncle and his family during my three plus month stay in hospital. At one point, when the doctor talked about some private matter to his family members, some of his family members broke out sobbing very loudly. Also towards the end of his stay in the hospital, he insisted on going back home. I heard he said that he wanted to die in his home. He wanted to die siting in the chair and lying in the bed in his house and not in the hospital. He died soon after he was discharged from the hospital, my family told me after I was discharged.

Also there was this other patient uncle in the hospital. He is supposedly coming from a rich business family, I think he's a high employee in some big oil company. He had a very serious accident after he had retired from his job. He went to holidaying and skiing in Hasaka, which is a city in Syria. But he had a very serious accident during the skiing that injured his upper spinal cord. His wife also supposedly injured her leg I heard. As a result he is paralysed from the neck downwards. In the hospital I always see him being ferried in and out of his bed using a kind of special machine because he is totally immobile, it is like a construction machine that can ferry some stuff from one place to another. This uncle is very strong willed, even though he can't move, and I have never spoken to him, he tells my father that we have to be strong and optimistic no matter what happens. Even though he is in such a condition he always keep thinking that he will be able to move some part of his body in future, which is the same wish that Christopher Reeve had. Also this uncle helps to advocate for patients' rights, even though he can't speak very loudly now and cannot turn his head sideways due to his injury, he helps to fight for the patient's rights. When he saw that the nurse asked me to wrap up my own stuff after I have finish doing my own business in the ward, he told them that it is the nurse's jobs and not the patient's jobs to do those chores in the wards. The nurses are paid to do these kinds of things. When I first become warded in AMK hospital, my bed was just only beside the uncle's bed. During the nights he has some nurses that come specially to help to massage all the parts of his body that cannot move so that the blood can move around his body smoothly, I keep awake and cannot sleep but I also feel sad for the uncle. He also chats with the nurses during the night.

There are other lots of interesting things that I learned and observed during my stay in hospital. I have stayed a total of 3 months plus from march 2003 to june 2003 after my accident. Maybe in future when I have time I can blog more about hospital stays in Singapore. By the way, my hospital stay during this period was very lonely. Because it is also the SARS period!!! At the beginning, I had lots of army friends coming to visit me but after some time when the SARS rules keep coming in that not even 1 person can come and visit me, I felt completely lonely. Not even 1 visitor can be allowed to come into wards and visit patients. That's why maybe I also want to discharge from hospital faster. My father protest against this rule and he still find time to bring me stuff like food everyday, even though he cannot come into the ward personally, he still pass the stuffs to the nurses to pass me. This is very noble!!


This very strange dream I can't really make out what is means. But it's a very enlightening dream.